


Find What You Love and Let it Kill You

by sansibei



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Gen, Hallucinations, Mental Instability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-23 14:08:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20009554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sansibei/pseuds/sansibei
Summary: An accident brings Izaya back to a harsh reality.





	Find What You Love and Let it Kill You

_“See, this is fun, isn’t it?”_

_Those might well have been the last words by Orihara Izaya._

_Well, the cretin before him clearly couldn’t see the “fun”. Izaya expected him to start raging right there and then, and he was right. For even with a monster just managing to brush the definition of “human”, Heiwajima Shizuo was, to a certain extent, as predictable as his species. And what about the catalyst, Kishitani Shinra? Perhaps he should be thanked for speeding up the process of the ending world. Perhaps he should be thanked for bringing the ultimate exhilaration to Izaya’s senses._

_Hence the three faced off one another. One held up a glistening flickblade that never seemed to be tainted by the blood it spills. One covered a wound with his hand, though he never stopped bleeding. And one, simply stood there, a sick hearted soul finding enjoyment, never getting tired._

_They would come to make many memories in the future, wouldn’t they? Thought Izaya. They were monsters, baptised by the thoughts of chaos to be unleashed. Alas, if those sparks were to be ignited and turned into a hellfire, he should first start hacking the wood for it. And so Izaya turned on his heels and started bolting, the roars of anger behind him soon turning into loud crashes of heavyweights. And he thought, maybe this was what he was looking for all along. Something unpredictable, a crack in the cycle, a glitch in the codes._

_Ah, how magnificent it would be if that were the case._

_A strong, stinging feeling of déjà vu clawed at him as he ran down the alleyway. This, was all very familiar, wasn’t it? Almost like he had done it a million times before. Like he had been running from a formidable monster through the city his whole life. Like he’s had so many heavy objects thrown at him and so many bruises and broken bones._

_But didn’t he only just meet Shizuo minutes ago?_

_Everything was all too familiar, like the scenes reenacted from his clearest memories._

_Even when Izaya turned a bend. Even when Shizuo followed and heard a large noise coming from behind him. Even when he turned and saw a large vehicle coming straight for him. Even the exact moment of collision. Even after Izaya paid the driver for doing his job._

_Izaya stood there and laughed. He laughed and laughed till no more tears could flow out. Then he was reduced to silence, staring at his masterpiece, and hoping and hoping his vision of a divergent life would scramble back up and continue chasing him._

_Even as the body continued to lay motionless, even as passers by crowded around and called an ambulance,_

_he continued hoping._

* * *

Funnily enough, the one who woke up in a hospital was Izaya himself. He didn’t remember how he got there. Shinra visited and rambled about some accident he was apparently involved in. He ignored him.

What an absolute waste of time.

He got discharged the next day. Izaya got right back into work, met up with clients, and participated in a Dollars gathering. Everything seemed normal.

Too normal.

Sickening.

He wanted something. Something - or someone - was missing. His eyes narrowed as he walked through Ikebukuro in search of a certain person.

W h e r e i s H e i w a j i m a S h i z u o ?

* * *

At first, he didn’t think much of it. He had information to obtain and people to observe. Who was he to get worked up over one person missing, much less his sworn enemy? Therefore there exists no reason to deviate from his daily life to look for someone. A pointless activity. Everything happens with a reason - he will present himself when the time comes.

Yeah, when the time comes.

Izaya smirked to himself as he typed away on his laptop.

Ah, maybe he should take this opportunity while Shizuo was gone to mess with him. Maybe he’d spread a rumour among the gangs. Or he could send someone to try and get him killed - or at least hurt. Oh, the endless possibilities. Nothing the great Orihara Izaya couldn’t orchestrate.

Izaya, however, soon dismissed those thoughts. What fun would there be if the victim himself wasn’t there to enjoy it? So he was going to wait.

* * *

It has been weeks.

Izaya was growing restless. He was becoming agitated. The twat had to come back soon. His only divergence had to return soon.

He wanted the unpredictability back. The excitement of being chased, the exhilaration of being within death’s reach. He missed it. He missed hearing his name being roared and knowing the mundaneness of the day was about to end.

He wanted Heiwajima Shizuo back.

* * *

Izaya lost track of time.

How long had passed since his discharge?

How long more till he had a soul once more?

His hands danced mechanically across the keyboard, his brain delivering information on autopilot. Izaya had refrained from trying to find out about where Shizuo had gone, not wanting to seem desperate. But this was too much. The line had long since been crossed. He was becoming furious. What audacity did he have to just up and go, and how dare none of his acquaintances breathe a word to him?

Izaya’s anger snapped him back into conscience. He abruptly opened his emails and started typing. Whatever transpired that led to his present plight, he was going to find out.

Even if it was the last thing he did.

* * *

_Knock, knock._

“Celty, could you go get the door?” Shinra called from the bathroom. When the dullahan answered the door, she was surprised to see an irritated informant. Izaya cast her a dark glance, then brushed her aside and walked in like he owned the place.

“Oh, Izaya. Why are you here?” Shinra asked as he came out of the bathroom and noticed him.

“Cut the crap. Where’s Shizuo?” Izaya growled, angry that he seemed so nonchalant, like Shizuo hadn’t even been gone and he hadn’t even tried to look for him. A brief surprise flashed in Shinra’s eyes. “Shizuo? You...can’t see him?”

Izaya’s patience was draining. “What do you mean I can’t see him? What is this, some sort of sick joke where you pretend Shizu-chan is invisible?

“Ever since my discharge from the hospital, I haven’t seen a trace of him anywhere. His email and phone number didn’t work. When I asked people about the strongest man of Ikebukuro they acted like I was a lunatic. So tell me, Shinra.” He fixed his black holes of a pair of eyes on the doctor, boring through him.

“What’s happening?”

…

Shinra’s expression went from confusion to realisation to utter surprise.

“Could it be? Could it be that you...no way, this is…” He muttered to himself, then suddenly realised Izaya looked ready to whip out his knife and stab him to pieces.

“You see, Izaya…”

“For years now, you’ve been running through Ikebukuro, from Shizuo, am I correct to assume that?” Despite his blood boiling, Izaya hardened his gaze and nodded steely.

“But to other people, all you have been doing is running by yourself, saying Shizuo’s name and laughing at nothing, dodging seemingly invisible projectiles…”

What?

“I couldn’t figure it out for myself until much later. And I figured you would either ignore me or completely break down if I told you. But since you seem to be normal now, and are asking me directly about it, I think I’ve not got much of a choice, have I?”

No, no, this couldn’t be. He was hearing things. Surely this was all just a prolonged nightmare. He would find himself in his bed, cold sweat drenching his bedsheets, and go out for the day and be chased by an inhuman strongman.

“Do you know when you two first met, and you made him get hit by a truck?”

All he had to do was wake up. Then all of this would be gone.

“At that time, Shizuo…”

Please, wake up.

“...didn’t make it.”

* * *

Izaya wandered the streets.

He didn’t hear the rest Shinra said. He simply turned and walked out of the apartment. Then he started walking aimlessly, and it was by now dusk. It started drizzling lightly, and the people who knew it was going to worsen into a downpour quickened their footsteps. Izaya watched them.

They had a nice, warm home to return to. They would go home and eat dinner with their families. They would spend time watching TV and laughing. And they would take it all for granted.

Ah, how unfair this world is.

The corner of his lips lifted a little. The people started running as the rain started to thicken. In a matter of minutes, the once populated and flowing streets became devoid of life. In a matter of an accident, Izaya’s once whole being became devoid of everything.

And the world was reduced to pitter-patter, only lone vehicles rushing past occasionally.

Izaya’s shoes created ripples in the puddles of water that quickly collected. He was the only one left he could see. He continued walking in the rain, ignoring the freezing cold, until he heard a loud sound coming from behind him.

He turned and caught a glimpse of blond hair, bartender suit, and sunglasses. Then, a vending machine came flying right at him.

He smiled weakly and uttered, “Shizu-cha - ”

_Bam!_

* * *

Only after the rain thinned did the crowd start to gather.

A lone, black-clothed man lay face down in the rain-soaked concrete.

The truck that killed him sat quietly beside.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not sure if I conveyed the story properly. If any readers were confused, basically Shizuo died in the truck scene and Izaya imagined him for years thereafter.


End file.
